Hello, friends! 👋
Welcome to our blog’s cross-cultural series, where we dive deeper into the cultural differences that might’ve shocked you as you moved homes. This first post will set the stage for the rest of our series, so make sure to pay attention 😉
The world contains a variety of cultures, and each is different from the others, shown through beliefs, traditions, and lifestyles. These differences are beautiful, but they also have the potential to cause tension. Fear not, there’s good news: it’s possible for them to coexist and be harmonious!
Sarah A. Lanier wrote a whole book about cultures called Foreign to Familiar. She writes about how most cultures can be separated into direct and indirect cultures. When these two cultures come together and interact, it may result in miscommunication, due to those differences I mentioned earlier. That’s why learning about these cultural differences is so important! To move forward, it is helpful to know how to properly communicate and understand each other.
So what’s the difference between a direct and indirect culture?
Thought you’d never ask! Here’s the breakdown:
(disclaimer- these are generalizations and may vary between individuals)
| Direct Cultures | Indirect Cultures |
|
|
Now that we know what direct and indirect cultures are, let’s take a deeper look at the differences! 🤓
Friendliness Matters 👫
During conversations, people in direct cultures aim to convey their message clearly and focus on the immediate task at hand. In contrast, people in indirect cultures prioritize relationship-building and being friendly.
In a direct culture, if someone wants to buy eggs at a store, they’d likely ask the worker directly, “Where can I find eggs?” However, in an indirect culture, this approach may seem impolite. Instead, they’d typically create a friendly atmosphere by starting with a greeting like, “Hi, how are you? Would you be able to help me?” before asking for assistance.
Let’s look at another example, where an American gentleman and a Yemeni (Middle East/Arab) flight attendant interact on the plane:
Flight attendant: Excuse me, sir. Would you like coffee or tea?
American: I’d love to have a cup of coffee, please!
Flight attendant: I’m sorry, we only have tea.
An American who values clear communication might find the answer confusing, while a Yemeni flight attendant who values maintaining good relationships prioritizes a pleasant atmosphere in their communication, even if the words used may not always convey precise facts.
“Yes” or “No” Doesn’t Always Mean Yes or No 😅
Since the U.S. is considered a direct culture, it’s safe to believe that when an American says yes or no, they mean it. However, this may be different in an indirect culture, as a “yes” may not be factual; rather, a “yes” is used as a friendly gesture or because it’s socially appropriate. Sometimes, people in indirect cultures will say “yes” even when they mean “no”, as they do not want to disturb the asker, especially when there is another person present.
Here’s an example found in Sarah’s book Foreign to Familiar, where she explained what it was like growing up in Israel to her friend.
Sarah: I grew up in a variety of cultures. The Jewish and Arab cultures are vastly different.
Friend: How so?
Sarah: In the Jewish culture, you say what you think. It’s direct, and you know where you stand with people. Arab culture, on the other hand, is much more indirect. It’s all about friendliness and politeness. If offered a cup of coffee, I say ‘No, thank you.’ The host offers it again, and I decline again with something like: ‘No, no, don’t bother yourself.’ He might offer a third time, and I’d reply, ‘No, I really don’t want any coffee. Believe me.’ Then my host serves the coffee, and I drink it.
Friend: You’ve got to be kidding me!
Sarah: No really. You’re supposed to refuse the first few times. It’s the polite thing to do.
Friend: Then, what if you really don’t want the coffee?
Sarah: Well, then there are idioms you can use to say that you wouldn’t for any reason refuse their kind hospitality, and at some point in the future you’ll gladly join them in coffee, but at the moment you really can’t drink it.
People in direct cultures, like Sarah’s friend, find how the Arab culture spoke to be ridiculous. Even I, who come from a more indirect culture, find it to be quite bizarre!
Why can’t they just say what they mean? And why can’t their yes be a yes and their no be a no?
You’ve got to remember– indirect cultures focus on being friendly and building trust with others; it’s crucial for their survival and success. Therefore, they engage in conversation differently than people from direct cultures.
Go Through a Third Party for Accurate Information 3️⃣
Let’s take a look at Sarah’s book again, where a foreigner visits an indirect culture and asks where the closest post office is:
The tourists are in Turkey or the Philippines or another indirect culture. They realize they’re lost and need directions to get to the post office. They ask a local person, who’s very friendly and who gives directions to the location. As they begin following the locals’ directions, they soon find they were sent to the wrong place. The village might not even have a post office! Yet the locals still try to satisfy the tourists by being friendly and giving them an answer, even though it might be far from the truth.
So how do you find the truth? You could try what’s called an “indirect approach”, meaning you get a third, independent party involved who has little/no knowledge of the situation. If you’re speaking to people from an indirect culture, be careful with asking direct questions; you don’t want them to feel guilty or distressed for not having the right answer.
Taking the post office example, something you could do would be to ask the local person if they’d ask another local on the street about the post office’s location. This will leave more freedom for them to respond truthfully to one another, as they don’t have to worry about upsetting a tourist. As a result, the tourist gets accurate information, while the local person can rest from pressure and shame.
Another example: imagine you’re dealing with someone’s loud music. In a direct culture, you can just tell them that the music is too loud and bothering you. But in an indirect culture, people might say the volume is fine to avoid causing a scene. A good way for the music player to find the truth is by doing it indirectly, asking another friend to ask the person from the indirect culture, like this:
“Hey Amy (person from indirect culture), what do you think of Chelsea’s music?”
To some, this could look like a secretive, dishonest approach to finding the truth; nonetheless, it’s adequate in indirect cultures and people can get information without disturbing the peace.
Final Thoughts 💭
Direct or indirect– neither is better/worse, right/wrong– they simply are! When communicating with someone, always be mindful of the cultural differences present. Take time to actively listen and acknowledge the other person, ridding yourself of certain expectations in their mode of conversation. This way, tension can decrease and good communication can increase!
That’s all for now, folks! Let us know if you have any questions/personal examples of these things in the comments below and we’ll see ya with some more cultural differences soon! 🤗
About the author
