As an international student, I knew being away from home for extended periods would be difficult. But nothing quite prepared me for what it would feel like to return home to São Paulo, Brazil, after four years of living in the States. The excitement of seeing my family, eating my favorite foods, and walking familiar streets was powerful, but so was the unexpected wave of reverse culture shock that hit me during my visit.
This trip was extra special because: 1) it was a complete surprise for my family, and 2) it was Christmas day! The anticipation of seeing their reactions on this particular holiday made the journey even more emotional. When I arrived and finally showed myself, jaws dropped and tears streamed. Their reactions were priceless. Keeping the secret of the surprise had been worth it! As my nonna said in Italian, “This is the best Christmas gift we could receive.”
After everyone had settled back down, we were ready to indulge in our Christmas feast. I felt an immediate sense of comfort as I sat down at the table with the people who mean the most to me. My family not only welcomed me with open arms, but also stuffed my belly full with an incredible fusion of flavors I grew up with: baked pecorino cheese pasta, roasted chicken legs and wings, garlicky rice and beans, homemade focaccia bread… There’s nothing better than the taste of home-cooked food, as it reminded me of just how much I had missed the flavors of my childhood.
A few days passed and the tables had turned; little did I know that I’d be the one getting surprised, too. As I walked through the bustling streets, I was in awe of how much had changed. New buildings had sprouted up, stores had come and gone, and even my old neighborhood had a slightly different feel. It was familiar yet oddly foreign at the same time. I had spent so much time adapting to life in the US that I didn’t expect to feel so out of place in my own hometown. But reverse culture shock crept in quickly.
Here are a few of the things that took me by surprise:
1. Language Adjustment
Since I don’t have many Portuguese speakers in my US community, I quickly learned how rusty it had gotten. I hesitated to speak, as it felt like my language was at the tip of my tongue, stuck and not properly formulated. I desperately wanted the right words to come out, but nothing seemed to come naturally anymore. People noticed when I struggled, which made me feel unexpectedly self-conscious and frustrated with myself. My accent was also different, and some slang expressions I used to know were outdated or had evolved. Overall, I felt embarrassed and defeated by my own language; it was hard to be my full self without it.
2. Losing Independence
After years of living on my own in the US, returning home to live under my family’s roof—if only for a short visit—felt like a major shift. I had grown accustomed to making my own schedule, cooking my own meals, and handling every aspect of my daily life independently. I also got used to having my own car and being able to drive wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. While I loved being taken care of (I was extremely spoiled!) and spending time with my family, it was also an adjustment to relinquish some of the independence I had become so used to in the States.
3. Changed Social Norms
I had grown accustomed to US social norms, where personal space is generally respected and interactions tend to be more reserved. Back in Brazil, the warmth of physical greetings—hugs and cheek kisses—felt overwhelming at first. I had forgotten how naturally expressive and affectionate Brazilian culture is, and it took me a few days to adjust to the proximity of conversations and the lively, fast-paced interactions. Again, it was especially hard due to my rusty Portuguese, but I did love being around folks who were open to hugs!
4. Cost of Living Shock
I had heard about inflation from my family, but experiencing it firsthand was different. It was alarming how expensive everything had become. The price of eating out, public transportation, and even groceries felt shockingly high compared to what I remembered.
5. Feeling Like a Foreigner at Home
Perhaps the strangest part of my visit was the feeling that I was no longer entirely at home. My friends had moved on with their lives, family dynamics were different, and even the rhythm of life in São Paulo felt odd. Conversations sometimes left me feeling like an outsider, especially when discussing local events, new trends, or cultural references I had missed over the years. At certain times, I felt invisible.
Beyond social changes, even small, everyday moments reminded me of how much I had adapted to a different way of life. The way people drove, the traffic, the food portions, service etiquette, and even the way people handled time all felt different from what I had grown used to in the States.
What surprised me the most was realizing that I now viewed things differently than I had before leaving. I noticed inefficiencies and cultural quirks from home, and I caught myself comparing them to the US. It was an odd mix of nostalgia and detachment—loving Brazil but realizing I had grown apart from certain aspects of it.
Despite the challenges, my visit home was deeply fulfilling. I reconnected with my roots, spent invaluable time with my family, and rediscovered the city that had shaped me for 14 years. But I also learned an important lesson: once you live abroad for a long time, you change, and home changes, too! It’s a bittersweet realization, but it’s also an opportunity to embrace both identities—the one I grew up with and the one I’ve built abroad.
For international students who may be preparing to visit home after years away, I would say: expect some reverse culture shock, having grace for yourself and not allowing it to overshadow the joy of reconnecting. It’s okay to feel different; it’s part of the journey. And in the end, home will always be home—just with a few new surprises along the way.
If you’d like to hear more about my experience going home, check out our new podcast, streaming on YouTube and Spotify!
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